Knock on Wood Lucky Charm

Heyo the DIY Dipshit with another craft project to excite and delight! My BFF got me on the phone today after seeing that I was going to take a much needed hiatus from my busy schedule as a professional blogger.

You can use any block of wood. I used one that I found at a music store.

She was right. I need to just power through. I took a quick nap and then dusted off my laptop and set forth to write my next great column. I thought about what she had said and that we all could use a little luck in this day and age.

You know that knocking on wood (really wood like from trees, get your mind out of the gutter!) is a cultural phrase in many different cultures?! In Bulgaria, Brazil, China the expression exists and it mean the exact same thing!

I was thinking about how I have been swept up in things lately and that I needed some luck as well. Especially with the hottie that makes deliveries with my yummah Orange Chicken recipe!

KROTCHLER’S KNOCK ON WOOD LUCKY CHARM

MATERIALS:

Block of Wood (You can use any piece of wood you find! An old 2×4, a music block, a door stop, etc.)

STEP 1. Get a block of wood

STEP 2. Deem it a Lucky Wood Block

Happy Crafting!

Hiatus Monday

I need a break or a Kit-Katt!

Heyo DIY Dipshit here! It’s been a hard week. My book deal is really hard work and it’s been cutting into my blogging, Facebook, Doctor Who and me time. Honestly, I am exhausted. Ms Daisy has been trying to encourage me to keep going but after waking up a 3 in the afternoon, calling the take out guy, eating and watching E!, I really don’t have the time for my activities anymore. That’s just it. I will be offline until November. Until then I will be hard at work on my book and social experiment, but more about that later when I can mention it!

Things to do with an old T-Shirt

A ragged old t-shirt can be useful!

Heyo, the DIY DIPSHIT here. I have been getting thousands of letters in response to my Macaroni Sculpture Build! Thanks for support and well wishes. The ideas pouring in from all over the innerwebs about what I should do next.

Here’s the winner from my BFF Daisy:

Dear DIY Dipshit,

I have an old t-shirt, what the hell do I do with it? I would love some suggestions!

Luv,

Daisy

Well, Daisy first off thanks for asking and reading! Second, t-shirts are one of the most useful things you can have. I have been researching all week on this problem, when taking a break from writing my book. My literary agent, who I met through my friend Desi Jones, internet sex gypsy.  She met him through her good friend Craigslist! Oh you crazy diamond, Desi. Anyway, he was telling me, that I have the potential to be a big innerweb star and that I should write about my funny friends, family and dog. I was smitten! Blerg!

He left for a quick gnargfarf in the sheets with my friend Desi Jones, who happened to be visiting from Atlanta. We went out for wine at a couple of trendy places along Market St. and someone stopped us and asked if we were sisters! She is totally an amazing person is I wish I was half as liberated as she is and how!

Anyway we managed to stumble down into the mission and met a sketchy friend of mine at a dive bar. After a couple of strong drinks and sneaking out back for a puff or two off the one-hit, we found ourselves back at the house with my other BFFs and housemates! Looking through our closets it occurred to us that we had a lot of old t-shirts lying around and we drank a couple more bottles of wine and thought “What the fuck am I going to do for this week’s column?”

We finally settled on what you could make from an old t-shirt:

• You can place an old t-shirt on the seat of your car in hot weather!
• You can use it as an emergency hat if you happen to be in the desert!
• You can clean up the massage oil from your Craigslist find last night!
• You can make a dreamcatcher!
• You can use it as a rag.

Till next time! Follow your dreams!

FOODIE SATURDAY!

Heyo, the DIY Dipshit with some foodie tips. When I was a community forum moderator for a major food site for 5-6 months I got my first taste of reviewing restaurants and how to be a food critic. Each week I will be writing a little blerb about food on Saturdays. Here’s my first one so be nice:

The other night I had just woken up to the rattling of dishes from my kitchen. My former BFF and housemate was making a fuck ton of noise. I asked her to keep it down because I had a massive headache and I couldn’t get any rest. It was late and she responded with a tyrate of obsenities and her cronies laughed at my calm explanation that I WAS TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP!

I went back in my room and made some quick calls. My white knight came in the form of my BFF Daisy, who listened to me explain the sitch for a couple of hours. She’s back east so it’s easy for me to get a hold of her in the evening.  After assuring me, I noticed a rumble in my tumble and that meant it was time to fix some eats! Even though the evening turned out to be a complete disaster, I want to share my recipe with you:

Don't forget to order white rice as well! Yummah!

THE DIY DIPSHIT’S AWESOME ORANGE CHICKEN!

MATERIALS:

Motorola RAZR phone or equivilent

A checkbook or debit card

Phone book

Optional: Internet search or Yelp

STEP 1: Using the phone book or Yelp find a Chinese restaurant in your area.

STEP 2: Using your touchtone phone, call the number for the Chinese restaurant

STEP 3: Order Orange Chicken (don’t forget to get white rice as well)

STEP 4: Wait impatiently.

STEP 5: Pay the delivery guy when he rings the door and enjoy!

I hope this has your mouth watering! It does mine!

Follow your dreams!

Macaroni Sculpture Build

Heyo, the DIY Dipshit here with my first exciting project! Here is a project that will bring you back to the days of Lutheran Bible Camp on Burr Creek Lake. I remember making smores with my BFF back then. I remember the cool camp counselors that would let me talk with them because I was incredibly mature for my age. I was super skinny back then, well skinnier than I am now and I had just got done reading about dreamy Tom Bakker in my issue of National Scholastic’s Dynamite. I was featured with an article in the March 1981 issue here’s a excerpt:

I was super jealous of Erin Grey!

Dear Sirs,

It was super cool of you to put Luke Skywalker on the cover. He is super dreamy, I wish I was Princess Leia, though it’s kind of weird that he reminds me of my brother. I think your magazine is Dyno-mite!

Cool beans,

K

PS: This letter is copyright of Kate Krotchler and reprinting it will make my Mommarama get very, very upset. mkay?

Anyway, they loved my article and Mrs. Shears put it up on the chalkboard for everyone to see.

Just last week, my BFF Daisy commented on my old blog. In typical fashion her comment was highly entertaining and right on the money! We chit chatted back and forth and I totally agreed that we were pretty darn cool. After about an hour, I remembered it was her birthday this week and I needed to fashion some sort of present that:

• Didn’t require too much effort or thought.
• Looks really cool.
• Could be made out of some left over crap around the house.

This is my portrait of Daisy, my BFF!

My first thought was to create a four-braid fashion bracelet, but that was too obvious! My second idea was a nifty Macaroni Portrait! I remember when I was back in camp and everyone was amazing at teh skillz I displayed in creating likenesses from pasta. It’s a skill I have carried with me throughout my life. Every couple of years, my Mommarama, lets me take a vacation in a lovely hotel, the McLean Hospitable. It’s in Belmont, MA. The very friendly staff, who would wear such immaculate white uniforms,  would gather all of the guests for Macraroni Portraits. I personally got to do the portraits of 3 kings, 4 presidents and a visitor from the Star System Zelmed 4.

MATERIAL NEEDED:

Pasta (Any kind will do, but I like rotini, macaroni and spagetti)

Glue

A pencil

Construction Paper

STEP 1: Select a color of construction paper that will carry the mood of the piece. I selected pink for my BFF Daisy.

STEP 2: With a pencil draw a likeness of the person you are portraying.

STEP 3: Using the glue, carefully glue the pasta on the line you have drawn.

That’s it! It really is that simple.

Happy Pasta-ing! I’ll see you next week with my next build!